you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
