Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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