Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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