I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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