i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
