Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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