He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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