I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
did i just pee glitter
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
