Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I need moral support for this bender
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
