So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
