hotel room ftw
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
