All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
