I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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