Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
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Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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