peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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