You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
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It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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Well I just put wine in my tea
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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