CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
