I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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