i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
