This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
