Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize