Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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