I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
