I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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