well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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