i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
