You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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