So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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