Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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