there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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