yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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