you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
