I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize