Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
