Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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