it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
