they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
