don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
