I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
not ubering you a puppy
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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