WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
