I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
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I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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