FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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