I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
