he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just google imaged poop.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
