Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
