Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
