i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
