Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
