her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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