I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
