who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
