i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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