I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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