You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
