I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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