Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.