someone threw a dead crab at me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My liver is preforming stress tests.