New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
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She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.