Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(714): View more from California

dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"

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(714): dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes" http://tfl.nu/s663

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(415): View more from California

Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.

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(415): Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius. http://tfl.nu/jxsz

Replies (21) Good night (5032) Bad night (957)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.

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(508): just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life. http://tfl.nu/x7zq

Replies (13) Good night (4118) Bad night (931)
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(650): View more from California

Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers

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(650): Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers http://tfl.nu/4ij8

Replies (64) Good night (9182) Bad night (1001)
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(954): View more from Florida

I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm

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(954): I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm http://tfl.nu/muws

Replies (8) Good night (3917) Bad night (1251)
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(804): View more from Virginia

he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.

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(804): he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america. http://tfl.nu/700m

Replies (16) Good night (3946) Bad night (983)
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(302): View more from Delaware

Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now

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(302): Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now http://tfl.nu/i71d

Replies (15) Good night (864) Bad night (4573)
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(619): View more from California

Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.

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(619): Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell. http://tfl.nu/xu8z

Replies (10) Good night (5775) Bad night (1019)
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(586): View more from Michigan

I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.

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(586): I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life. http://tfl.nu/7ulw

Replies (15) Good night (1003) Bad night (2973)
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(212): View more from New York

how are things with the new girl?

(917): View more from New York City

good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked

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(212): how are things with the new girl? (917): good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked http://tfl.nu/oe1i

Replies (6) Good night (3250) Bad night (1028)
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(501): View more from Arkansas

He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.

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(501): He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit. http://tfl.nu/208i

Replies (10) Good night (1651) Bad night (1171)
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(360): View more from Washington

My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died

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(360): My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died http://tfl.nu/olk7

Replies (2) Good night (1154) Bad night (645)
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(352): View more from Florida

So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!

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(352): So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality! http://tfl.nu/jnql

Replies (0) Good night (612) Bad night (303)
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(302): View more from Delaware

my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

make it buy you a drink first

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(302): my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor (412): make it buy you a drink first http://tfl.nu/jxuy

Replies (1) Good night (872) Bad night (409)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls

(+44): View more from United Kingdom

On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything

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(+44): Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls (+44): On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything http://tfl.nu/w86s

Replies (1) Good night (1084) Bad night (447)

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