I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.