this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
