yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"