I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i think we sleep fucked last night...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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