So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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