I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
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