last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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