I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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