What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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